Do you want to know one of my biggest pet peeves? People who constantly blame someone or something else for the state of their life.
Things didn’t work out the way they wanted so, instead of taking responsibility, they start to blame everyone but themselves for how their life unfolded.
Some people even carry this blame around for years. Saving it in their back pocket, ready to pull it out whenever something else doesn’t go their way. Ten years on and they’re still blaming the ex-girlfriend that racked up their credit cards and then left with their best friend. She’s the reason their life sucks now?
These people frustrate the hell out of me.
If you’re 50+ years old and you’re still blaming everyone else for the state of your life, I have no sympathy for you. NONE. Get over it. Whether you’re wildly successful or still stuck, your lot in life is your fault.
You can’t blame other people for where your life has taken you.
You know the people that I’m talking about. The ones that are constantly saying;
If my wife hadn’t talked me out of that business opportunity . . .
If my ex-husband hadn’t spent all of our money . . .
If I hadn’t lost my job . . .
The ones that take an event and give it the power to derail their lives.
If my husband hadn’t passed away . . .
If I didn’t get sick . . .
The blaming is endless – one day it’s their mother-in-law that ruined their life; the next day it’s the government who’s against them. And when there isn’t anyone else left to blame, there is always God. God is easy to blame because he doesn’t often show up to defend himself.
It doesn’t matter who or what the blame is directed at, the “dot dot dot” is the same every time:
If only “this” didn’t happen to me – dot dot dot – my life would be so much better now.
Well, I don’t believe that and I’m sick of hearing it.
(yes, I know people like this and, seriously, I am sick of hearing it)
I believe that their life would have been “different” but there is no guarantee that it would have been “better”.
Maybe that business opportunity would have worked out but you had to put so much time and energy into it that your marriage crumbled and you lost your family.
Maybe getting sick prevented you from dying.
Maybe what looks like an obstacle is actually an opportunity.
Maybe the “better” was yet to come but they never found that out because they couldn’t get past the “if only . . .”.
Sitting and wallowing in what could have been keeps them from moving forward.
Don’t come to me with a problem, come to me with a solution
People that choose to remain in the state of “if only . . .” are just presenting the problem over and over again without looking for a solution. The solution is in how you move forward but these people don’t know how to move forward and, more often than not, they are afraid to move forward.
They’re afraid because, if they move forward and fail, they would have to blame themselves. They would have to take responsibility which is hard. It’s so much easier just to blame someone else. By putting the responsibility for their life on someone else, they become the victim. People sympathize with the victim.
Are you a victim or a survivor?
I would rather be a survivor. People sympathize with the victim but I admire and respect the people that overcome adversity. The ones who rise above what life throws at them. The survivors.
My story
I lost my job 6 weeks after I split up with my husband. I couldn’t believe it. I had never lost a job in my life. And now, here I was, on my own with two kids facing the possibility of no income and no spouse to pick up the slack.
All of my savings (and some credit) had been spent on setting up a new household and soon there would be no money coming in.
Did I feel sorry for myself? Of course I did! For exactly one day. I bought a bottle of wine (a cheap bottle), sat on the couch and allowed myself to wallow in self-pity. I cried. I was afraid. I was angry. I was certain that there were other people that should have been let go before me. Why me? Why now?
I allowed myself that one day of self-pity then I picked myself up, dusted myself off and kicked my ass into gear.
I could waste my time blaming my boss or my co-workers or God or the universe for the position that I found myself in but that wasn’t going to get me a new job. You can’t blame people or events – not even events that are not in your control – because how you react or move forward from that event is all on you.
I knew that what happened next was entirely up to me. It was up to me and how I managed this event.
By the way, I managed to get a new (better) job before my five weeks severance was even over and I didn’t end up with any time that there wasn’t money coming in.
Now, I know my story isn’t so inspiring. People lose jobs every day. I’m not special. I did what had to be done because there was no one else who was going to do it for me.
But, even if nobody else thought so, I felt like a survivor! A survivor instead of a victim of my circumstance.
Don’t be a victim of your circumstance
There are much better stories of people that overcame insurmountable odds and unthinkable tragedies. These are the real survivors. The ones that took the cards that they were dealt and, instead of folding and walking away from the table, they chose to play anyway.
You can Google these inspirational stories but, if you’re interested, I’ve posted links below to some of my favourites. Take some time to watch them if you need the inspiration. I do it every now and then when I think the world is against me.
And, please, if you have a story of inspiration, please share in the comments below. You can never have too much inspiration.
Nick Vujicic – No arms, no legs – no worries!
Arthur Boorman – Never, Ever Give Up
Tara Storch – Turning the loss of her daughter into a source of inspiration
Lisa Nichols – Find Your Way Back
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