When we were thirty years old, we were really just starting our lives. Our roaring twenties were over and now it was time to get serious. We faced ups and downs, twists and turns but it was okay because we were young and still flexible. We weren’t phased by the things that can shake up your life.
These bumps were a rite of passage; part of the journey to our golden years. The golden years when we thought we could relax. The golden years that we thought were filled with sunny afternoons drinking lemonade on the back porch with our golden friends. The golden years that we thought started at fifty.
I don’t know about you but I certainly fit this mold. I was that naïve. I thought that by fifty, I would surely have my shit together – finally. Nobody told us that the “Golden Years” holds its own piles shit.
Illness and death are at the top of the list of course. And this could be the illness or death of a loved one or your own illness. Your own death is someone else’s pile of shit. These are obvious and I don’t need to rattle on about how they can shake up your life – we all know it.
It’s the other piles that don’t look like shit at first but when you look closer; they certainly can smell like it.
6 other events (piles) that can shake up your life in your 50’s
Children Leaving
Despite the endless comedic fodder it provides, the adjustment from parent to empty nester is no joke. We’ve spent 20+ years taking care of our little ducklings and then, one day, they just aren’t there anymore.
And the longer they stay, (and they are staying longer . . . and longer!) the harder it can be when they – finally! – leave.
You’ve been waiting for this day for what seems like forever and you think you’re ready for it. The house plans are on the table and the contractor has been put on retainer; you’re ready to “remodel” them out of your house.
Finally, the day comes and twenty years of your life is moved out in a single afternoon. The silence is deafening. And the void they leave in the household is surprising because you never saw them when they were here anyway.
I think he’s in his room.
I didn’t see her leave, did you?
Children Coming Back
Maybe you’re one of the lucky ones and had no issues with the leaving; maybe that third bedroom has finally become the mom-cave that it was always meant to be. But what if they come back?!?!
Yes, I’m talking about the boomerang kids. They can definitely cramp your newly rediscovered independent lifestyle. In fact, I just read a horrifying article titled
study suggests that 100,000 ‘boomerang kids’ will never leave home
What!?! Apparently, it’s called the “failure to launch” phenomenon.
There are a multitude of theories as to the reason for the increase in this “boomerang-ing” and you can choose to blame it on whatever you want. I blame university. For years, we keep moving them out and then bringing them back. Repetition creates habit.
However, I do think some of the responsibility falls back on us parents. I think that the more accurate term is the “failure to push” phenomenon.
Divorce
Divorce can be devastating for some; liberating for others. Either way, making the move to being on your own again involves some big changes.
If you are staying in the matrimonial home, you are now minus a person. And, like the void that the kids leave when they go, you will feel it. Not enough to ask them back but still . . .
Or maybe you’re setting up a new household, in a new location that requires you to shop at a new grocery store and find a new hairdresser . . . a new pharmacist . . . a new bank. That’s a whole lot of “new”.
You will also be dealing with fallout from the kids (or parents or siblings). Divorce has a ripple effect. Everyone has an opinion and most are very happy to share it.
And then there are the friends. Some will support you and others will not. You may need to begin building a new social network. (depending on who got custody of those judgy friends)
Re-marriage
Let’s face it. We aren’t in our twenties anymore. We’re a bit (okay – a lot!) set in our ways and learning to share our lives again isn’t easy. Especially if you’ve been on your own for while. Hell, even sharing the cutlery drawer isn’t easy.
I speak from personal experience – deciding if the cutlery should be kept in this drawer or that drawer can be the longest argument ever!
Even the most “laid back” person in the world will have definite ideas on how the new household should be set up and run. I don’t know about you but my desire to compromise gets less and less the older I get.
Sure, love will keep us together when “some, sweet girl comes along, singing her song” but will love keep us together when deciding how to arrange the furniture in the family room.
Job Loss
Downsized, phased out or – my personal favourite – restructured! Whatever the term; job loss hits like a tornado, turning your world inside out and upside down. Hitting the pavement is not where you want to be at 50+.
Especially since it’s not hitting the pavement anymore – it’s hitting the keyboard which is so much harder. When we used to look for jobs , we cold called or walked in off the street presenting our resume. We at least had the opportunity to use our sparkling personality to help get in the door. Now most companies don’t even want to see you until they have reviewed your resume that you were required to submit electronically. Only chosen candidates will be contacted – ouch!
But a job loss doesn’t have to be all doom and gloom. It could be your next biggest opportunity!
Retirement
Aaaah; Retirement at last! We’ve worked hard and we’ve been looking forward to it for so long. No agenda. Doing what we want when we want to do it. No alarm clock, no traffic, no reports to do, no boss to please.
What we don’t expect is that the sudden change to waking up in the morning with nowhere specific to go takes some getting used to. Oh sure, it’s easy for the first few weeks because it feels like a vacation but then you just end up craving conversation over your morning coffee (this would totally be me).
I remember going into a McDonalds for coffee one morning on the way to work and I saw a group of older people in one section having breakfast and chatting away. There must have been ten or more of them. The girl at the counter told me that it was the retirement crew and that they come at 7AM every morning – rain or shine. I thought that was pretty cool.
And what if “retirement” doesn’t meet our expectations? What if the grass isn’t as green as we thought it was going to be on the other side of the fence? It may be time to re-think what you’re retirement looks like. There are no rules for retirement, you can make it whatever you want.
Listen, shake ups happen all throughout life (look for another post from me in 10 years about the things that can shake up your life in your sixties) but they don’t have to shake it in a bad way. It’s important to look at life from all different perspectives; sometimes a big shake up can be the best thing to happen to you.
It’s time to get creative. Figure out a way to make that shit smell like a rosebush!
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