I cannot believe that I’m writing about low self-esteem! I mean, we’re not teenagers anymore, shouldn’t we be over this by now?
Well, apparently not.
Studies show that, although self-esteem issues are high during adolescence, lessening as we approach midlife, low self-esteem rears it’s ugly head again as we get older and peaks into retirement.
Some reasons low self-esteem could become an issue over 50:
I thought I’d be further ahead by now.
My grandfather retired at 60 years old and he and my grandmother were able to travel the world before settling down. And when they did settle down, their lives were still full with family, friends and each other.
What did I do wrong? I’m divorced, I am no where near retirement financially, I haven’t been on a vacation in years, my kids are scattered across the country and I’m working so much, I don’t have time to visit my friends.
These are all good reasons to think you’re a failure but take a minute to think of the positives in your life and focus on your successes. Don’t say that there aren’t any – think harder. Look for even the small ones. And, if there aren’t enough successes, make more. Don’t give up yet, there is still lots of time left.
My kids don’t need me anymore
You’ve spent the last 20+ years being needed on a daily basis wearing all manner of hats from nurse to cook to maid to counselor to driving instructor and cheerleader.
It’s a bit of an adjustment but thank goodness the kids don’t need you anymore. It’s exhausting! Now you have lots of time to do things that you want to do (if you don’t know what that is, you now have time to figure it out) and more time to spend getting back to romance with your partner. Yes, romance is still alive at 50!
Lack of purpose
After years of getting up every morning and going to a job where you had specific tasks and completing them gave you a sense of accomplishment every day, retirement or a sudden empty nest is a big adjustment. It can be a struggle to suddenly find yourself with nothing to do. This is especially so for people that don’t have the money to live the retired high-life of Alaskan cruises and golfing.
Even old people need a reason to get up in the morning
You have to give yourself reasons to get up. You need to make sure that you don’t isolate yourself and some of the best ways to stay connected are to keep your social life active – join a club! or start a club!. Or you could get a part time job. I know this sounds crazy since you just retired but I totally see myself doing this. I love and need to be around people.
Body image / Weight Gain
It’s hard to watch ourselves get old and it’s frustrating when we find we can’t do things like we did when we were younger – like touch our toes! Wrinkles, sagging, aches and pains, deteriorating hearing and vision and weight gain all compete for who can knock our self-esteem down the fastest.
The good news is that you’re not alone, it happens to everyone! If you don’t believe me, organize a high school reunion. Then you’ll see, everyone ages.
You can’t stop the aging process but you can stop yourself from becoming “old”. “Old” is a state of mind. Just don’t tell your mind how old you are! If you need to have some botox injections or plastic surgery to convince your mind, go ahead. But, personally, there are better things for me to spend my money on.
Isolation and Loneliness
Try not to cut yourself off! Isolation and loneliness can lead to depression very quickly. Stay in touch or get back in touch with friends and family. Technology has made it so easy now but don’t just sit in front of the computer, get out.
A great first step is to pick up the recreation guide from your local community center or library. Every town and city has programs designed to bring people together. Whether it’s a cooking class or an investment seminar, it doesn’t matter. Just get out and mingle.
You never had any self-esteem to begin with
Maybe low self-esteem is not a new issue for you, maybe it’s been a problem that’s always been there.
Well, I say, it’s time to stop beating yourself up.
Ask yourself if you exhibit any of the following tell tale signs of low self–esteem.
Signs of Low Self-Esteem
- You always wonder what others are thinking about you.
If you think you’re unworthy or unlovable, you will go out of your way to misinterpret what others do and say as a validation of your beliefs. - You compare yourself to everyone.
There’s nothing wrong with comparing if it’s a fair comparison but you never compare fairly and always come out short, knocking yourself down a notch every time. - You’re overly defensive.
You’re convinced that everyone is against you and you falsely believe that every interaction is a confrontation. - You pretend everything is okay.
Everything is not okay but you won’t let anyone know. You are up for an Oscar for playing the fictional “girl who’s got her life all together”. - You say “sorry” way too much.
A person who isn’t confident about themselves will apologize for things that aren’t even their fault. - You put others down to feel better about yourself.
Because you don’t feel good about yourself, you make fun of people weaker than you in an effort to make yourself feel better.
If you recognize yourself in one or more of these statements, you need to start to change your thinking. If you can’t do it on your own, talk to someone – a friend, a clergy person, a counsellor.
We’ve all weathered a lot of storms to get to where we are and we need to celebrate this accomplishment.
It has taken me many years (and a little therapy) to learn to accept and love myself for the person I really am. The good, the bad and the ugly.
And I, for one, don’t plan on spending my golden years apologizing for
my life.
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Image courtesy of Stuart Miles at FreeDigitalPhotos.net
