when did I get so lumpy?

lumpyI was in the department store the other day to buy some over-priced make up at the designer over-priced make up counter and I happened to pass the “intimates” section on my way out.

The shapewear was closest to the aisle and, when I saw it, it sparked a memory from a couple weeks ago. My BF and I were in a cute shop in a cute walk-about town and he found a dress that he thought would look very nice on me.

Just so you know, I have to be in the mood to shop for clothes and, even then, I prefer to shop when I’m alone. I was neither in the mood or alone so I declined his urging for me to try it on. But he wouldn’t give up and, with much effort, he finally managed to convince me into the fitting room.

To make a long story short, it did not go well. It was a lovely summer dress and probably would have looked lovely on me if it weren’t for all of the lumps and bumps. It was a rather clingy fabric and it just showed everything!!

I wouldn’t even come out of the dressing room to show my BF because I was so shocked and embarrassed. My BF was confused but how could I tell him!

When did I get so lumpy!!

Then I thought

Wait! Why didn’t HE tell me!

He is not blind! You can’t tell me he didn’t know that I’ve become lumpy. I didn’t know whether to be touched that he loves me anyway or to be angry that he was keeping this secret from me!

So, with the image of the lumpy dress in my head, I found myself wandering into the Spanx section. I didn’t set out to buy Spanx that day but there I was.

Now, Spanx comes in all different kinds of styles and it was a bit overwhelming trying to pick out which one I should try on.

The shorts would flatten out the tummy area and they went far enough down the thigh to do some good there too. But logic – and science – told me that if you squeezed in one spot, the excess had to go somewhere and I could picture it spilling out the top. Toothpaste comes to mind. I hung that one back up.

The high-waisted shorts would solve the spillage problem because the spillage would likely act as a push up for the boobs and that would be a bonus. But that wouldn’t work for me because I am so short waisted that the shorts would likely come all the way up to my armpits. You don’t want your spillage coming out your armpits do you? No, that doesn’t sound attractive – or comfortable – at all.

The body suit looked like it would get the job done but what about going to the bathroom? The body suit is one piece and there are no snaps at the crotch like there is on the traditional teddy. I didn’t relish the idea of disrobing completely every time nature called.

Oh sure, they’ve designed the body suit with an opening that you’re supposed to be able to pee through but I couldn’t picture myself being that coordinated after a few (or more) glasses of wine! And it certainly wasn’t something I was about to try at a cocktail party or a corporate event.

So, after much perusal, I decided to go with the “open bust full slip”.

It has shoulder straps but then cuts low in the front and sits under your boobs allowing you to wear whatever bra you choose. And it’s open at the bottom like a skirt so there are no bathroom break problems.

Happy with my selection, I was off to the fitting room and the fun began.

What the hell is this thing made of?!

It stretched – that wasn’t the problem. Keeping it stretched out long enough to get in there was the issue. You had to kind of wiggle your way in.

Stretch – wiggle – stretch again – wiggle some more.

And, for heaven’s sake, don’t let go of the stretch. It’s like a rubber band gun backfiring and the snap back hurts!

But I persevered (it was quite a work out) and I finally got myself into the thing. And do you know what? It looked good!

I wasn’t foolish enough to think that this thing would magically transform me into a svelte size 6 so I was not disappointed when it didn’t. I was not expecting a miracle.

But what it did do was smooth everything out. No more lumps and bumps! That was miracle enough for me. I kept turning around in front of the mirror because I just couldn’t believe it; all of my “squishy” was hidden away behind this oddly comfortable elastic band.

Maybe the women of yesteryear weren’t so wrong wearing their corsets and girdles because it certainly keeps everything in it’s place. Just in case you missed the implication, make no mistake, that is exactly what Spanx is – the girdle reinvented!

I wish that I had been wearing this when I tried that dress on in that cute shop. I think it would have looked lovely indeed and I would have been happy to come out of the fitting room to show it off for my BF.

I decided to purchase the Spanx but I needed to figure something out first.

Hmmmm. How do I get it off?

FYI. I have not received any payment (monetary or product) to write this post about Spanx. I just wanted to share my experience.

Don’t go! There is so much more to read! Click to go home and don’t forget to subscribe now for FREE to receive notification when there is new stuff to read.

Image courtesy of Ohmega1982 at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *